Pause

It's a rather magical state... when you are in this state, you feel the things flow by rather quickly but you stay where you are, like an observer. stay still, and watch things go by in each of their own different way.

I have put a pause on the love part of my life, updated my profile on MH and POF to indicate that I am not looking for anything other than chatting and friends. Well I'm not humble enough to close my accounts coz I still go on them when I am bored just to check out people, but I won't do anything else like I use to. So far no one has questions me about this yet. I do expect people get annoyed and even question my purpose of putting it out there. Yeah it maybe a little goof or even stupid to some people. It doesn't really make much sense to me either actually but the feeling I have with Andrew kinda drives me to do it.

I don't know what exactly I should do at this point other than keep my nose clean and head straight, but I think I am okay.

Tonight

An empty street, an empty house

A hole inside my heart

I'm all alone, the rooms are getting smaller.

I wonder how, I wonder why, I wonder where they are

The days we had, the songs we sang together.

Aug 20, 2010, 7:20PM, Halifax Stanfield International Airport. You put a hole in my heart...

The last one stand

People are leaving me, yeah i mean physically/geographically they are leaving, at the same time... And seems like everyone is extremely busy, including me. I don't wanna point fingers but something just doesn't make sense any more... maybe just to me they aren't, coz I am the last one stand.

Things between me and Andrew are getting a little weird in the last few days.

1, we are not moving in the direction that I want. that's understandable since he didn't want to start something from the beginning and I sorta pushed it over to where we are (were), and that was right before the party in my house. So to everyone who has asked me "is that your boyfriend?" I said yes. Now I kinda feel regretting about it since he is not so keen on that and want to take things slow... well it make sense and for a totally valid reason - bad timing, but still, I certainly feel the motion of my leaning forward and his leaning back, which irritates me quite a bit actually.

2, it is inevitable that we are going to be apart very soon, in 2 days... and everyone knows the long distance thing could be a dreaded nightmare to any relationship (if you consider this as a relationship, maybe not). We are going to keep in touch for sure, and hopefully, finger crossed, see each other in Asia early next year. Either I go to Korea or he goes to China for a short visit and pick up the fire, but it's just a plan for now, and chances are it's not happening. I am not sure at this moment but there's hope, and I am a optimal possibilitist most of the times. Things are not gonna be on hold for me nor for him, I'd like to have a chat and establish/find a common ground for both of us sometime before Friday night.

3, people keep telling me that I am crazy wanting things go seriously with Andrew. I know they are 100% genuine concerns for my benefit, but only I know what I have been through, no one else knows. Although I might be a little bit too keen on getting into a real relationship with a guy I just met not even a month ago, I am okay, mentally and physically. Andrew seem to be a really great guy, I'd like to keep things moving forward with him for at least a little longer and see how we are doing and where we wanna be. I don't want to hear anything like he is leaving or he is too young whatever. Those words do nothing but pollute my head.

4, there are some little things here and there I notice and irritates me sometimes, I don't wanna list them because they are too little and I don't keep them in mind for very long, and they could be part of a larger picture. Another reason being they are not always from Andrew so I guess they are no biggie anyway.

This probably gonna suck if this doesn't work out.

Feel the need

Always feel the need to write something but never know what to write. Afraid it's gonna come down too cheesy or too boring... but since no one is reading, why do i care?

It was a blast last weekend. I probably had spent way too much time with Andrew and now I started to feel the urge of his leaving and a little bit of sad/touching/god knows whatever feeling that is. When we talked about it in the car by the highway, I know I was a little disappointed. I wanted to hear something more cheerful or at least hopeful or positive, not the bold heavy truth I already know, but it's OK i guess. Lets face it, it only has been 3 weeks that we have met each other, and has been dating for a week and half. Although the feeling is mutual (hopefully), the time is simply too short for us to get to anywhere near a stabilized relationship. I probably already looking quite desperate than I actually am, which I definitely don't want to, but I do want to move forward. I don't get as many feed back like I would like to, which makes me keeps wondering. It took me a long time to find someone as great as Andrew, smart, respectful, charming and all the good stuff. I'm afraid I might loose him, after all, I am not a Korean, I am not a Canadian, I am 6 years older than him, I am kinda stuck in Halifax... 

Oh well, let's be positive for now, we've got a true connection at least, and I think we both want to work this out... I am not a pessimist after all, I am not a optimist either, but looking at the bright side, we still have a few days left and I'm gonna be at the alehouse all the way through his going away party... We will see how things turn out...

Awesome party game - Rock Band

Rock Band has always been the game I wanted to buy since it was out, but the high price tag prevented me from poking another hole in my wallet. But I finally got it months later... better late than nothing :)


Played it in guitar solo mode, and drum too. Guitar is not nearly as hard as guitar hero, but drum needs a bit practice. The song Run to the hills is crazy in expert mode. There are some videos on youtube showing a real drummer doing it perfectly, but I'm no drummer in real life...

Played in local coop mode with yy and sam, it was where the real fun lies. We gonna do it again this Saturday again.

12345G

12345G
Originally uploaded by BrianDotNet

it took quite a while :)

Toronto Trip

So this is gonna be my first business trip ever... I am moderately excited about it, not too too too excited coz I've been in Toronto many times, but this time I will spend much longer there than ever. Well... I don't really know what I am gonna do over there, I will be working during the day for sure, but at night and weekend I have enough time to check out the malls, Blore street, and Ikea.

Well I need to give my friends a heads up for sure. Janet and Jing, Michael and Nancy... anyone else? I don't know... I kinda wanna save some time for myself, rent a car in the weekend and explore the city a bit more.

It can be better if RCS can go with me :(

heart break

that was the feeling i haven't felt for long time. really. I don't like it but it feel so real. I can still feel the real me inside of the deep bottom of my heart.

I wished i was the other one in your weeding, i even dreamed about this stupid thing the night before i drove to SJ. I lied to myself, i was pretend that i was happy, well...i guess i was really happy for you, but inside i can feel my little pain. i can feel it.

yes, I really do love you. Q.

Long time no update

It has been a pretty long time since last time i updated my second important blog, well...maybe third... there are a lot of changes in my life, but all changes are good changes, i hope...

I broke up with A now i am really back to my single happy bachelor life. Even my friends say i am now more fun to be with than before. I hook up with my friends regularly again, Fred and Halifax ones, and QY in Montreal... lol

My work went pretty smoothly too, the current project will go live in a week, and i will be reassigned to another project with already a lot of resrouces involoved but they are still seeking to suck people in. Well... I wanted to have a change in my work but i didn't wanna get in to this big group of work as of now. but anyway, it was not my decision and seems like i can only accept this decision.... hope everything goes well.

Oh another big thing is i got my medical exam done which means i will probably become an immigrant in 2 or 3 months...at least the landing notice. That really a good move, this will straight up many annoying things in my life, such as finance, such as car, such as house etc.

I am looking to move to Vancouver, really i wanna go there. think of the weather, think of the view, think of the population, think of the activities... i will probably live my life a lot more excited in there once i have as many friends as i have in halifax.

yeah yeah i know the first few months maybe even half yeah would be boring since i don't know no one in vancouver as of now... but i am sure i will make friends pretty quick. There is a large chinese population in there, as well as gay guys. I am not totally hot according to most people but i am pretty sure i fall in to the cute catigory...anyway...i don't intend to make my life fulfilled with gay guys, but i will find a nice guy to fall in love with i think.

already too far from here... I need to get the book from Sam and read it a bit tonite, prepare for the exam. sigh...when am i gonna be at a easier spot to make my life more enjoyable?

Getting Married? Not for me!

I heard of too many ppl getting married these days. First is Rennie and Andrew, then Xue Yang and Wang Weilin, now even the guy who is younger than me, Zhao Ming is getting married soon. OMG OMG OMG...what the heck surround me is happening. I am NOT getting married any time soon! NOT FOR ME NO!

I know I am already in a hard-to-keep relationship now, it's not she is a bad girl or whatever, it's just my personality of myself wanna being a free guy, a free gay guy maybe?

Right...that's the conflict within me. I've never denied my inside but I admit I have a problem living totallt out to everyone. I know this world is not too too too friendly to who I am really yet, and my parents, I can't imangine they are disppointed on me. Even this morning when i was chatting with my dad and he mentioned their birthday I didn't even sent off a message. I felt so bad, heart broken. If there are only two people in the world I care about, they are my mom and dad. I love them so much that I don't even know how deep it is. I will scrifice my personaly life for them if they really demond. I mean it.

Anyway, back to the topic of getting married...it's purely a personal choice I believe. People get married when they feel right, I guess this kind of feel will not happen to me any time soon. It has never been easier to be a person who lives in two faces, and it's never gonna be easier for me.

Meet The New iPod Family

iPod touch looks sweet... Only if I don't already have two iPods... :(

But I will get one !

BioShock

This is gonna be one of the best games this year, and probably it will be the best single play game of all times, well...at least till 2008.
Gotta run to futureshop to get my copy, along with The Darkness for the combined deal + price match with Bestbuy. I was actually thinking of slack off for today to get the game... but I didn't do it coz I won't be home alone and I need to go to Immi NS to get the certificate.

Fabolous Uncommon Non-windows My Another Computer

Fabolous Uncommon Non-windows My Another Computer

Wonderful vacation, with Joe

I haven't been such happy for quite a long time. I mean really...the past weekend was almost the happest time in about a year.

Joe is leaving, after all, he is leaving canada for good. I am not complaining anything here coz that's his decision and he wanted to go back to hk always, from the first day i got to know him. To be honest, he means the same thing to me as K used to...well. K is still my best friend no doubt, and Joe will be my best friend for sure. I am so happy that we can actually spend two and half days together and did so much fun stuff.

We went to whale watching, although didn't see anything.
We went to Parlee beach, totally fun.
We went to Magic Mountain, totally hot.
We went to Odell park barbeque, totally full.

I already forget how good time can be when you are with the person you really love. Feel the sweetness when we are mistaken by Pizza Delight waitress, feel the happyness when we slides down the scray water slide, feel the warm when about to left and hug eachother... I will miss you Joe, and I will remember you, keep the time we spend together (not too many) in my heart.

Now you know easy to be a bad driver

24 hrs...only 24 hrs...then you crushed the brand-new-shiny-with-no-what-so-ever-single-scrach car

STUPID. SO STUPID.

Sigh...what a pathetic mazda...Remember the day, Friday, July 13, 2007.