28 + 1

I should have wrote something for my 28th birthday yesterday, but it was just a little too much happened that I was mentally stressed so heavily to concentrate on any sort of writing. I worked on a post for our internal blog, which is part of my work for the mobile team, but I just couldn't focus...

Well, I did had a good day in general. I got many birthday wishes over facebook and messages from all kinds of friends; I had THE FIRST video call with Andrew over skype, at work, in a small meeting room; I had a very nice dinner at Ryan Duffy's, perfect steak, wine and dessert; I even had a tall latte in starbucks, like I always do.

But, from my parents, that's where the frustration comes. It's of the same topic again, marriage.

I don't know what to do other than hoping them will take the fact that I am gay and I want to live a happy life. I do need to tell them, I know I have to. That's the only way that I can possibly get to the best result for me. It will definitely shatter a lot of things but if I don't do it, the struggle will shatter my life, and I only have this one life, I want to be happy.

I've told them that I have problems, problems that they can't help me with, problems that I don't have options to choose from. I hope they can smell something there. It is part of me as a person, and part of the pain I am suffering. But at the same time I don't want them to freak out already, I just hope they would start to think in the way that I want them to think, get a little hint, or get confused at least.

The way my parents worded was very harsh. I was depressed for the whole day until Kirk shows up with the card and wine. I didn't want him to see my depression since he is not out either. He probably won't be able to give me any positive advise or experience that I need on this topic anyway. It was my birthday, I missed Andrew so much and I didn't wanna be alone, so I went with Kirk to dinner. It was a really nice one, just the feel that I needed, with a different person tho. I started to feel like a bad guy after that dinner. Am I using Kirk for a place holder in the meanwhile? I started to judge myself for a little bit. I need to find a balance.

Well... 28 + 1, it's the first day of my way to 29, the last year in my life that starts with 2. WOW, I am getting old.