First snow in Halifax in 2006

Well I didn't expect it would come at all and I was screwed totally...
Waiting for the bus for 2 hours and then finally got on the bus and began another 2 hr trip home... well since everyone was experiencing the same thing as i did so i wasn't complaining a lot but still, I don't like winter.

First snow was reminding for me always. I still remember all the old days in Saint Joh, in Fred, and even days I spend in CCSC in Beijing...
The winter that I fought with K, the winter I struggle with S, the winter I went to work with N and G, the winter I drove my own stang with tires from An (I still owe u a lot I know), and this winter... seems like I will be spending my days with A, the girl current I am in relationship with, and the girl I am care about.

Snow...

Got My PS3!!!

It was such a big suprise from my GF. She got me a PS3! Thanks so much Alice.
Quote from Yuan: You are such a lucky bastard.
Yeah he is right, I'm lucky to have you, Alice.

My Wii

SHOULD I GO OR SHOULD I STAY

PS3 is coming up.
Wii is coming up.

Should I go or should I stay?

Give & Gain

Give: I give up the chance to have a playstation3, which is the latest gadget i should be crazy about as a hardcore gamer, and it's even beyond my dream. It was just about to be mine, but I didn't get it, or I should say I give it up.

Gain: It's the first time that I heard the entitlement finally belongs to me. I didn't ask for it, I didn't push her for even a bit. I know where I am in her heart at this stage, and I know I can finally say to myself, Brian, you are not along any more.

I didn't meant to just act like a gentleman by giving up something I would love to have and yet not affordable at this point. I didn't feel regret, at least I don't have such a big feeling about this. I just wished it could be mine by Alice's decision but it's not happening. I don't know why I was so calm about this, even Alice said if I ask for it, I will get it for sure because I got a higher priority. Well, I know I used to be very careful on money and spending etc, but this time i guess i care more about how Alice would think of me and our relationship. I'm now a maturer person than before i guess, although I still have a bad idea about personal financial...

Anyway, Alice is a good girl, what she decided is nothing wrong. I am not a jerk who will relay on someone else to get what I want, neither my parents, nor my life parter. I can afford a PS3 if i want to have one in the future, I can live on my own hands.

Brian, what you've done is exactly what a real man should do. I am proud of you.

feel tired and pathetic

I don't wanna do this any more
I don't wanna do this any more
I don't wanna do this any more

These days are my most busy days after i came in T4G...I talk so much with my team mate, and I actually don't agree on many stuff he decides but I felt my knowledge is far from sharp to defeat his point of view most of time. As Jeff told me, this is more a learning opportunity to me than anything else. I think he is right, and I did learn a lot from Darrel, but I do think Stuart is a much smarter man.

Damn I am so into this relationship now. I don't know what to do to have total control on everything. As I typed this, I thought that I am the same type of person as Mel and Brian. Who knows...

Just called A, actually she called me after we talked a bit on MSN, she is quite lazy i would say, lol, too lazy to type, but she is a good person, a good girl, a good one who deserve a lot of love. I never thought that I would rather go for a girl like her before this fall, but now, I don't know if I can still stay alive with out think about her... I really don't know what I want now... :( Pathetic me...

A and B

A is a nice girl who i kept meeting with during the last few weeks. Yes I am dating her. This news has been spreaded all over my friends in Hfx, even some friends in Fred know this...I don't really want too much ppl to know at this stage coz simply i don't know what is going to happen myself, but anyway, things seem like going to the direction that out of my control. Or...do I wanna control it at all?

All of my friends support me persurading A. Including friends know and don't know my identity. I've been a single (by saying single i mean have no girlfriend) for about four years. I still remember when i broke up with my ex-girlfriend Miranda. She was such an adorable girl. We didn't have many thing in private, and I wasn't care about her too much. Sorry Miranda, I really sorry for what I've done. It's good to leave me anyway... And because of I know who I am and what I wanted during these years, I didn't wanna cover myself with a fake relationship with whoever female, instead I had two boyfriends one after another.

Angus, I still remember the time I spent with you. It wasn't all about happy times, more i can remember than happiness are our fights. It wasn't a nice ending between you and me but it was the right one. You are not a bad person at all, I loved you but I can't afford to live without myself. Xiaojin, we had a short repationship since we are so far apart. It was a crush for me, maybe because I didn't have what i wanted, and you just appear at the right time. U are adorable, affctionite. our relationship would last longer if we did not separate.

Anyway...all have gone. They say things you can't get are always the best ones, as the reason K said about our relationship, and with J. Only one thing you are wrong about me, K. I would never dump you if u don't dump me, although I'm not 100% sure about this myself...

Back to A, I like her alot, and I wanna have someone to share my life. Note, I said someone. I know who I am in bed, but I'm nolonger so picky... being alone is not a good thing all the time. I can certainly enjoy being left alone aside for sometime, but also nice to have one that i can show my care to, and not afraid to let the rest of the world know... A, please don't hold me a inch away, I'm afraid if this goes on, I might lost the motivation I rarely have on girls...

Brian is a good boy. I promise to the rest of the world. If you feel Brian is a cold person and hard to reach his heart, you are wrong about him. He is shy. He is afraid to talk to strangers. He wants someone to hold him like a child.

I almost cried out...
LOVE

Who Do I want?

I am really confused by myself now... I don't even know what do i want, who do i want...

To be frank, I am still the one I used to be, but this doesn't mean I can deny the feeling that I do want to be with someone, even that is a girl... If J or K or even Json can be with me, I would never wanna go fo A. Maybe because I was just being alone for too long.

I feel ashamed of myself, and pity... inside.

Another busy wknd

The game between UNBSJ and UNBF has been held for 4 years. I was there last year, and we were having the best formation we've ever had, but we lost. This time we don't even have enough players in Fredericton and I had to drive back to help, but we got a draw. It wasn't a great result but definitly not a bad one.

Weicheng said I played a good game, and most friends from Fred said I have improved a lot. I really don't know... I used to play a lot in the first two months after I arrived in Halifax, but I haven't been play for a month before, and I had my nail injured... Maybe I am improved indeed...Anyway, that's a good thing.

Gu Ming said he will introduce me that girl I saw in the moon party... I thought about this for quite a lot these days. I know what I was interested in, and it shouldn't be able to change, but the thing is, I might really have some interest in that girl too. Is that because I really want to have someone by my side? Mom asked me about girlfriend for many times, and my grandma, too. I am not old for sure, but maybe it is time for me to get a girlfriend now... I'm a little bit nurvers, afraid, and excited. Now I really don't know who I am...

feel lazy

I just feel lazy this week, every morning i wanna stay in the bed for a little while, which resulted in late for the bus this morning...So i got to work at 9, half hour later than usual. No big deal, I'm still early enough to not be the last one in the office. But i don't have good mood to work either. This kind of mood lasts even since i was back from NYC. Maybe I shouldn't take that vacation at all...makes me feel lazy again, no motivate to work...

Anyway, although I told Johnny I hurt my toe last sunday, and I told him I can't play for him this Sunday, but i decided to help him out. I will risk my nail and see what i can do for him. Matt won't understand this. I admit that I am a emotional person sometimes, and I am generally good to my friends, well... to those I like. Johnny is not just a friend to me, I like him, or maybe i should say i loved him. He is not a really good looking guy, and he is not the kind of person i was/am looking for, but i like him. I don't even know why...it just the feel that i can't deny. Well, too bad Joe won't go, I can't see him in SJ this weekend. I think i have already walked out from him. We are good friends. but i'm not sure if we are as good as my other friends. I don't know. For me, Joe is still my Mr.s right, and still mysterious. Maybe this increases the good feeling that I have about him.

Ok gotta go now. Tonite Matt, me, Yuan, Erin, Johnson and his wife are going to the Moon festival party. Hope it is gonna be a good one.

Back from New York

I have to admit that I like New York City in all. Although that's not exactly where I wanna live for my life, but if I do have an oppotunity to live and work in Manhattan, I think I will accept it.

What I like: Chinese food, Shopping Center, Nintendo World, Fifth Ave, Urban life, Central Park, Apple Store, Time Square...
What I hate: Too many people, too busy, too many starbucks, dirty subway, tough people, buildings are too crowd, no KFC...

I still like New York as what it is. Because if it changes, it won't be new york again. It's the unique, special city.

Pity or Regret

I wanted to title this entry as "遗憾 or 后悔" but I found that my English is really not strong enough to express my feelings about this weekend. Checked google translate and ciba @ kingsoft, still can't find a better translation. Well, could be our mother language being too powerful. lol

Well, first, the stripe club.
Matt, Frank, Weiwei, and I were in the only stripe club in Halifax, on Saturday night. it was soooooooo bad, really really crappy place, most of their ladies were out of shape(5 in total), or with no boobs at all... Anyway, I wasn't really interested at all. Matt, Frank and Weiwei were not interested either, the quanlity was too bad to interest any of us. It's just being a matter of fact that we have to get in to prevent we feel regretable that we did not accturally go, but everyone feel that we shouldn't have get in there after we came out. Anyway, I wasn't interest at all. For me, I was just don't want them too tell anything they shouldn't know.

Second, the air show.
I'm not a military fans, and I wasn't interested in aircrafts before i went to see the air show, but I have to say the airshow is a nice experience in all. Although it could be better if the weather was nice.

We saw 1 of the only 21 B-2 Sprite Stealth Bomber fly over our head at a very low height quitely. It was sooooooo cool! But i felt so pity that I lost my best chance to take the nicest picture of it. I wasn't focusing accuratly enough, sigh...


After B-2, there was an F-15 super sonic aircraft showed it's capacity to over come the wave drag. All of us were shocked by that. I've only seen that in pictures on the internet but last day we saw that in front of us. And there was a jet truck show, ran at a speed of 350 mph. With the weather turning from bad to worst, we left the air show earlier than we expected. We did not see the snowbird flying show, which left us something to see the next year, a little to regret about.

24

Now I'm offcially 24.
Happy birthday, Brian.

Fight with myself

Matt told me last night that his student loan has been deducted for 3800. Definitly a good news for him, and now he is planning how to spend those "extra" cash in NYC. What about me? I don't know...I'm now really need to save money.

Well...I'm not really bankrupted yet but I know how much I charge on my credit card every months, and, gosh why there are so many stuff I wanna have? I can still remember there used to be some time when I was in Fredericton, I worked in Manchu Wok and for Dr. Angeles, and was taking 6 courses before my graduation. My life was fully arranged with everything: study, project, meeting, TA, parttime job, social, soccer, etc. Although I wored in the "Biggest" mall in Fred, but i rarely buy anything in there. Maybe I just need to find something to fullfill my life. I want to keep my life a bit busier than what I'm having now, but do I wanna do it indeed?

Last night I went to Bayer's Lake to return those things I bought from Home Outfitter, and I went to Homesense and Winners after. I saw two nice shelves I wanted, but I did not buy them. I think that was a victory with myself. I'm quite happy, really. I do know what I want, but I need to know what I really need, and then plan on what I buy.

Tomorrow is gonna be my 24'th birthday, I will open a account with Altamira or ING, and start to save some money for my future, although I don't have a lot right now...

Crstal Crescent Beach Revisit

it was a great long weekend, had 4 friends came over from NB.
Well, as usual, we went to water front to see(show) the downtown area, and where i work, take some pics, had calamira(can't remember the name)...then went to the spring garden road, then mall, then we went to a new restraunt called hungery chilli, all spicy and hot food, nice authenticated chinese food. I LOVE it! But it turn out to be every good thing has it's down side. the price of their rice is a ripe off for sure... we decided if we are going next time, we will bring rice alone.

The next day is the highlight of the whole weekend. I wanted to go to soccer but they draged me to the beach, and yeah i'm pretty happy i went to the beach. Although I was there with Matt once, but it is still so nice to revisit it. The nice silver sand, green and blue see water, warm sunshine, even the water is warmer than what it should be. I definitely love to go to beach. This time I brought my huge camera alone, with battery charged, with memory stick cleared. lol. Took some shots of the family beach, and... the nude beach. lol. I wanna go to the nude beach naked as well...but i wanna go with my special someone. Don't know when he will show up. I missed the soccer on Sunday afternoon, it was the only chance i can play in a week. I wish i can get more oppotunities to play soccer, like what i used to do in my university days.

After the beach it was the triditional buffet... again... But the nice thing is, we played WE at my place at night, I won some, lost some. not too bad in all, but i could be better if i get win Matt. I lost him 5:0 :(

Sunday was rainny, played some WE. they left at 4, got another friend come over and did some private stuff. I don't feel great actrully. Maybe on that thing, Angus was the best one i had, but i don't regret that we broke up. I now have my own life, which is great, indeed. I consider myself as an independent person so we were not sutible for eachother at all. Jayson told me he can't see why most people should not like me, I hope he is correct. Wish you can get a good b/f before long, Brian.