Something Disturbing

My mom is sick. She had a surgery a few days ago and now recovering from that. I was shocked to be honest that she was 100% ok when she was here in Halifax and as soon as she returns home she needs to had her uterus removed to prevent cervical cancel.

I wasn't exactly a mom's home boy, I am actually nothing like that. I don't even consider I have a close relationship with my parents. Part of the reason being they've always been strict parents to me and I kinda have to hide half of my thought from them to get the recognition that fits their definition of "good boy".The other part of the reason was being that I've always know that I have more interest in boys than girls - I.E. I am a homosexual.

It took me a long time, more than a decade for me to get over it and come out of the closet and feel comfortable with who I am. Yeah it is a long time counting from the first time I had same sex experience when I was... 14 I think. OK it's been over a decade, the point is that I've come this far, came out to all my friends about my sexuality, and now I am ready to face my family member and everything has been planned... and now the only thing that I didn't expect to come up - my mom is sick.

As soon as I heard this from my dad, I called them. As soon as I hear the shaking weak voice from the other side of the phone, and that's my mom, I just couldn't take the feeling that was so heavy. I felt like my legs were made of sponge, so I fell on the floor. At that moment, I realized that no matter how strongly you feel that you are not attached to your parents, how independent you are, how far you've come along with your life, it doesn't matter. The bond is something that can't be cut off without hurting anyone, and I am still deeply, truly, connected with my parents.

Is it a good thing? Yes. But is it disturbing? Yes.

I still wanna live on my life as who I am. I wanna live a life that I can be true to myself, be with a man that I love and loves me, get married and have kids. So I need to come out to my parents. I don't know if my mom can take this fact with her condition. It is disturbing to even think about telling her about it and see her reaction. But life is so short. I am already 28, there's not many 28 years left in my life, neither in my parents' lives. I need to know what to do. Someone please help me.