My mom is sick. She had a surgery a few days ago and now recovering from that. I was shocked to be honest that she was 100% ok when she was here in Halifax and as soon as she returns home she needs to had her uterus removed to prevent cervical cancel.
I wasn't exactly a mom's home boy, I am actually nothing like that. I don't even consider I have a close relationship with my parents. Part of the reason being they've always been strict parents to me and I kinda have to hide half of my thought from them to get the recognition that fits their definition of "good boy".The other part of the reason was being that I've always know that I have more interest in boys than girls - I.E. I am a homosexual.
It took me a long time, more than a decade for me to get over it and come out of the closet and feel comfortable with who I am. Yeah it is a long time counting from the first time I had same sex experience when I was... 14 I think. OK it's been over a decade, the point is that I've come this far, came out to all my friends about my sexuality, and now I am ready to face my family member and everything has been planned... and now the only thing that I didn't expect to come up - my mom is sick.
As soon as I heard this from my dad, I called them. As soon as I hear the shaking weak voice from the other side of the phone, and that's my mom, I just couldn't take the feeling that was so heavy. I felt like my legs were made of sponge, so I fell on the floor. At that moment, I realized that no matter how strongly you feel that you are not attached to your parents, how independent you are, how far you've come along with your life, it doesn't matter. The bond is something that can't be cut off without hurting anyone, and I am still deeply, truly, connected with my parents.
Is it a good thing? Yes. But is it disturbing? Yes.
I still wanna live on my life as who I am. I wanna live a life that I can be true to myself, be with a man that I love and loves me, get married and have kids. So I need to come out to my parents. I don't know if my mom can take this fact with her condition. It is disturbing to even think about telling her about it and see her reaction. But life is so short. I am already 28, there's not many 28 years left in my life, neither in my parents' lives. I need to know what to do. Someone please help me.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Wang and Mei's Wonderful and Magnificent Wedding
Let's say I was getting a little too emotional for Carolyn and Sam, because it's the wedding for them both so it's only fair. But in fact, I'd say most of my emotional are coming from my connections with Carolyn actually. Sam is one of my best friend but to be honest, he is not someone I'd ask for a serious discussion. Oh well. It was about them both, and two families. It was terrific.
I was a little over used as a cab driver in the past few days. I didn't really mind too much actually but a little annoyed that people would ask me for the favour so naturally. I'd still do it for my friends but I'd like to get some respect and appreciation. Well I have been a mister nice guy to everyone for a little too long I guess and that's all minor.
The weather was beautiful, sunny yet not too hot, not windy at all. Even the air is more fresher than usually thanks to the heavy rain we had a day before. The decoration was... really, really simple. I didn't feel it worth 600 dollars at all. Although I know the bouquets worth lots of money, there were only 4 of them. The boutonniere we were wearing were finely crafted tho. I still keep mine at home. There were some ribbon and flower tied to the chairs along the white carpet, and there is a gift and signing table, but that was it. I felt like it was about a 300 dollar job. Hmmm, maybe I can be a wedding decorator given that I do have a sense of design. Groomsmen and maids' clothing was bothering all of us before the wedding but it turned out beautifully. It actually looked like we had same outfit with little subtle differences. We all got white shirt and the same purple blueish tie, with black shoes and dark suit. Both maids were all in purple dress from Le Chateau, and maid of honour was in lavender bubble skirt/dress like a fairy without wings.
We took many great photos I believe, since Sam and Carolyn hired the best guys in town, i am not worried my most handsome moments are not captured. They are the centre of the wedding but I do wanna look my best, for me and for respect of the new couple. And yes I do love myself a lot, who doesn't?
I got to be the emcee for the night. I knew I needed to do a speech so I prepared for a little while, I didn't know what to talk about for a long time until I decided to go with the PDA they were famous for during their lust period. I think I did an okay job, some people laughed, and some teared, I almost shed some tear too. I am a very emotional guy, and hopelessly romantic. I think it's a good thing tho.
Now the wedding is over. I will be in NYC this weekend. I might try travel in my suit this time... hmmm.... probably not. HAHA.
I was a little over used as a cab driver in the past few days. I didn't really mind too much actually but a little annoyed that people would ask me for the favour so naturally. I'd still do it for my friends but I'd like to get some respect and appreciation. Well I have been a mister nice guy to everyone for a little too long I guess and that's all minor.
The weather was beautiful, sunny yet not too hot, not windy at all. Even the air is more fresher than usually thanks to the heavy rain we had a day before. The decoration was... really, really simple. I didn't feel it worth 600 dollars at all. Although I know the bouquets worth lots of money, there were only 4 of them. The boutonniere we were wearing were finely crafted tho. I still keep mine at home. There were some ribbon and flower tied to the chairs along the white carpet, and there is a gift and signing table, but that was it. I felt like it was about a 300 dollar job. Hmmm, maybe I can be a wedding decorator given that I do have a sense of design. Groomsmen and maids' clothing was bothering all of us before the wedding but it turned out beautifully. It actually looked like we had same outfit with little subtle differences. We all got white shirt and the same purple blueish tie, with black shoes and dark suit. Both maids were all in purple dress from Le Chateau, and maid of honour was in lavender bubble skirt/dress like a fairy without wings.
We took many great photos I believe, since Sam and Carolyn hired the best guys in town, i am not worried my most handsome moments are not captured. They are the centre of the wedding but I do wanna look my best, for me and for respect of the new couple. And yes I do love myself a lot, who doesn't?
I got to be the emcee for the night. I knew I needed to do a speech so I prepared for a little while, I didn't know what to talk about for a long time until I decided to go with the PDA they were famous for during their lust period. I think I did an okay job, some people laughed, and some teared, I almost shed some tear too. I am a very emotional guy, and hopelessly romantic. I think it's a good thing tho.
Now the wedding is over. I will be in NYC this weekend. I might try travel in my suit this time... hmmm.... probably not. HAHA.
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